I’m going to grad school after working and being rejected

I’m going back to school and I feel a little like Billy Madison. I have done my undergrad and I worked for an entire year, but I’m going through an emotional roller coaster and it all seems surreal.

But let me start at the beginning. In May 2008, I graduated from St. Francis Xavier University with a BBA in accounting and philosophy. Even before convocation, I decided I would help people change their lives through radio. My passion for communication, discussion and people led me to start walking down this path.

I got the advice of many people and heard one resounding recommendation: go back to school. Despite some reluctance, I decided I would apply to Ryerson University’s media production graduate program. I worked hard on my application for the Fall 2008 program and waited for a response.

But Ryerson rejected me. So I gave up, forgot about the program and looked to the government for a grant to pay my way into a radio/podcast production.

However, somewhere deep inside my core I couldn’t let go of Ryerson’s decision. I wanted to know why I was rejected and how I could do better in the future. It was my right to know. I emailed the head of the program and asked for an answer.

I received a response almost immediately and was told I would be given a full answer to my rejection soon. “Soon” became months and, once again, I forgot about Ryerson.

But a call on a train ride one day changed everything. I was going to Toronto when the head of Ryerson’s media production program called and asked if I had time to talk.

He apologized for the delay and said he wanted to go over my application with me. We talked about my marks, my proposal and my references. I left him pleased with my confidence and vision, and he left me renewed and more determined than ever to obtain a master’s degree in media production.

So now, as I am writing this article, I’ve been accepted to Ryerson and I’m ready to go back to school. Between then and now, I have been on a roller coaster of emotion. When I first heard the news, I jumped for joy. Next I thought about the new challenges this degree would bring. I doubted myself, asking, “Am I worthy to be in this position?” Next I grew anxious of all the future preparations to make, including financing my degree, finding a place to live and registering for courses.

Now, only two weeks until classes, I am still anxious and scared. I have no idea how I am going to do and no idea on how I am going to do it. Everything about doing a master’s seems to grown up for me. I am supposed to be seen as an emerging leader in my academic field. I should be an example to younger students. I should be confident.

Instead, I feel lost and under-prepared.

Going forward to new and challenging stages of one’s life is daunting and terrifying. I figure I can’t be great at these next steps unless I ask myself, “What else can I offer?” Hopefully I can live up to the expectations of my greatest critics and flourish.

This article was written by Brian Cauley

Brian Cauley is a recent graduate from St. Francis Xavier University in business and philosophy. Currently, he is working hard to break into the broadcasting/media industry. Brian also writes at his blog, Everyone's Vision, and podcasts about Canadian poetry at Well Versed.